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a knight and a scholar
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "dawn_lion" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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07:34 pm
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hello to all out there
to any one that still looks in on this wretch from time to time i ask and implore you to come either look me up on my space. as redlion123 or email me directly please and thank you
Andrew Farmer
The Dawn Lion
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09:54 pm
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wow its been a while
jsut as th e title says, its been awhile sicne i actually posted on this blasted site. why blasted site, well every time i come here and spend a great deal of time here i ended up being pissed with large numbers of people. oh well, i have finally left bellacino's to any one that has been keeping track of my life. so yea me. im theorthetically goig to start working for the union soon, but that might not happen now, its looking like sharon the director of the the orgaization department doesnt care for me, and wouldn't liek me around, i may be rwong but for all i know i may be right. still i ahve no girl friend, been awhile in that department as well. i have an offer but i realyl dont feel the same way about her as she feels for me. oh well. life moves on, then you die.
take me now
Current Location: home
Current Mood:  sad
Current Music: the radio is broken on my computer
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12:42 am
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can do no wrong
well for the love of god, i apaprently cant do no wrong, at bella. i STILL have a job. which is good. but kinda scary that they lets so many people go becaseu of the same reason. so shrug i dunno. mayb they are waiting to get something worse on me. or maybe they are thinkning it over, but i was need for today. or... yeah i could go one but really it wouldnt server any point other then proveing how paraniod i can be.
oh well love to you all
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: i can go the distance (hercules)
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03:21 pm
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rat might be in cage but atleast he woke up on time
i think thde point has become moot any way, on wheter to ask a co-worker out. im not sure if i still have a job. as it is 300 and i was suposed to be at work at 930. im about to go talk to them and see if i still have a job. which is prolly no. oh well wish me luck
Current Mood: worried
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11:36 pm
[Link] | before the rant i figure this would be worht showing
Egoism: Egoism is your prime instinct. You have a
talented bright soul, it belongs to The Sun,
you have a strong charismatic sense of
leadership.
What is your prime instinct?
brought to you by Quizilla
right... cue picture, but this kinda brings in the whole set of head questions of the week, girl i like at work, but HOPEFULLY i will be leaving that job before too long. so do i ask her out before i proove to her what a smuck i truly am, or do i wait (like nomral) to see she if she is warm to me. then ask. or shoul i wait even longer till i am finaly confirmed to be out of there and then ask this girl out.
oh well. im just depressed again so dont mind me. seems to be happening aloot recently. oh well
Current Music: rat in a cage
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05:12 pm
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women
i dont think some people realize how in love i am with the myriad forms of women, so i figure i would share (yes its another rant, sorry)
to say that i like girls,/women is some what of an under statment. i love women, i love every thing aobut them, i liek the way they look the way the smell the way the taste. (yes i mean it in both ways) i love the sounds the make, the way the feel i am in love with female form. there is seriously only liek 5 females on the planet tht i do not find attractive in some way. the first 4 are family and arent realyl women. the 5th is a obesse whore that i work with some times (really its liek a dumb blonde crossed with a water buffalo.) but every one else is gold. now wisth having said that, i find it odd that some poepl jsut refuse to see beauty when it is front of them. i made a comment about how nice a woman looked today at work and i got some of the strangest looks. she wasnt big chested or even high on looks but she had this really great smile and a pair of eyes to die for. but hey i love eyes. so oh well i guess this is loosing steam but it just seems to me that so many people are so beautiful and most of them dont even know it. and the ones that do are so vain about it that its sickening but any way i guess thats all for now
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: rat in a cage
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04:07 am
[Link] | div align=center>
Current Mood:  ummm is this true?
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02:00 am
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we the people
http://www.nationalmorality.com/index_files/Page705.htm
first and for most i think this guy is a loon, but he does raise an interesing couple of points, the first of which is that does faith in the "one true god" of the iseralites, really have bearing on the way a nation developes? strictly speaking yes it follows the pattern that people following the 10 commandments have florished and others have fallen by the way side, however the author does fail to note there are several large gaps in his arguement, but then of course if he acknowledge his arguement was flawed it wouldn't be as effective... the flaws i see are that of the steam powered ships. the first appearance of a steam powered ship was in sumer. using the teapot idea to propel a small boat around the bath tub of the child of the prince i believe. The process is reapeated in china under similar circumstances several hunderd if not thousand years later. now i realize this is just a small chink in the armor of this arguement but still one that i do believe is worth mentioning. however i admit this can be countered with the thought becasue of gods will we were able to adapt this technology to use ina wider field then just a childs toy, but still there it is. three seperate cultures having minimal contact if any came up with the same idea, even though several thousand years seperate the first from the last.
now as for the arguement about if a persona can be morale? yes a person can be morale to his own ethical code or his societal ethical code, the presence or lack there of, of a divine being or beings, only helps to reinforce this code for the masses. but it is not a requirement for every one.
also one last thing the author points out that i find troubleing is the place of afirca in the history of the world. he either forgets the egypt is in afirica as well as ethopia, or negelcts to mention it to his readers. the idea of slavery coming soleyl from africa is ludicris. it has only been in the past 150 years or so that slavery as a world wide concept has been out-lawed. the babeloynians enslaved one another and any one weaker then they, the greeks enslaved the babeloynianes, and the romans in turn did it to the greeks, who were eventually forced to evolve as the empire corrupted it self fromt he inside out. now in most of these case the enemy turned slave was a defeated warrior from some else's tribe, and after so long was allowed to return to his home or become part of the new tribe, but it took the cruelty of the god fearing "civilized" chirstians to raid peaceful tribes in africa, ferry them by the hundereds across the atlantic and force them to work for their white master.
most every one who reads this knows that i am pagan, white and male. and if you didnt well you do now. i have my own set of morale beliefs that i trust in and in most cases they follow the guide lines set forth by the prime 10 given to moses by yahweh. however blind honor is foolish and to many have lost lives to the phrase i was following orders. so my views on the first few are a little askew. the first 3 i can understand from a judeo-catholic point of view being raised catholic and all, but how does the first three translate in to the mentality that my relgion is right and yours is wrong that so many chiristans seem to have? honor your holy days, ok thats is common sense al around. i have already said my piece about blind honor. if your parents are wicked then you should not be expected to follow thier examples. this is one of those things if you break it you go to hell for in christain doctrine, but yet if you follow them in to wickedness you will end up there any way.dont kill, now this is one that needs to be takein witha grain of salt as it first is wide open to interprttation, dont kill. does this mena we should have dies out long ago becasue we could not eat fruit or grain or vegtable or meat? but the comomn understanding dont kill people. but even this is overlooked by the zealots who thinks any one not willing to believe as they do should die to "atone". the 7 in literal translation i agree with dont fuck some one else's wife, thats it. at no place does this mention homosexual activity, despite what the catholics wanna believe. (and now having said that not that doesn not mean i am siding with the pedophile priests) the 8th i have no problem with dont steal, dont take stuff that isnt yours common sense. 9 is also a common sense one although it happens to frequelntly, the common meaning is dont lie. but honestly ina society where one could not lie even just the little white lies, you would prolyl find a sharp incline of "crimes of passion" or done in the heat of the moment the 10 commandment i do i have issue with not to say that you shouldn't want. but dont obsess. you know? if seeing your neightbor with something you like work hard and get it for your self.
but any way thats my once3 a year religion rant. why once a year, well mostly casue im gonna have people yelling at me for this one fore years to come.
nice night all
Current Mood:  annoyed
Current Music: danger zone
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09:18 pm
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how pathetic
im so sick of this lot that i have been dealt. i actuall was looking and voodoo, witchcraft, and other "charms" online just seeing, and that fact that i was semi serious about ordering one made me rather nervous. i think that i want out of my life, but im trapped by my own in-adaquecy. bad credit keeps me in the state. semi bad people skills keep me at a shity job. or would that be morales for not wanting to leave them, since there are alomst like friends to me? no im not gonna do somethign stupid so any one thinking that calm yourselves. im just bitching.
oh well fuck this life
Current Mood: rejected
Current Music: endless night/the sun must rise
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12:28 am
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the question of a dragon
Take the quiz: "What is your Inner Dragon (neat pictures)"
Blue Dragon
If there ever was a draconic example of a supple attitude, your Inner Dragon is it. Blues are the Water Elemental dragon - typified by their Steam breath weapon. Pretty creative, huh? It goes right along with your Inner Dragon's tendency to maim, but not destroy.Humans shouldn't make the idiot mistake of thinking you're weak, however.The element of surprise and limited magic capabilities are definitely yours. You also enjoy communicating with aquatic life-forms.Your favorable attributes are the sunset, Autumn, water, compassion, peace, forgiveness, love, intuition, and calmness.
Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: hungry eyes, dirty dancing
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01:32 am
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the project is DONE
I have been working on an act of love for the past week to maybe a week and a half. when all is said and done i had 25 pages of matrial copied from about 12 differnt books to comprise a list of feats and stuff for D&D, yeah i know the geek-a-lert just went off oh well. after i re-sized it down to something more...manageable i had just uner 16 pages. thre might be 3 spaces at the bottom of the last page i didnt use. and of course this amount of work has gotten me in a rather creative mood, and now that its prinint and i can see the product of my labor on this (spelling mistakes and all) i am thinking of new ones i shoudl have and could have added. but oh well. any way since i havent see my bed before 4 since this little project began im going to bed and get re-accuinted with my dear friend BED later
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: dread pirate roberts
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03:13 pm
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more screwed up dreams
this is a quickie since i dont remember it all.
the scene is on a yacht? i know its a boat and nice one at that so yacht seems to fit. and the cast of friends was there of all things. i barely like the show so why would i be dreaming about courntey cox and david schiwimme, any way they were all on this boat searching for something. and there was the re-accuring joke about rachel not being able to swim, because she was in new clothes, and a new belt and a new purse to which who ever was in the room would agree that it was a cute purse (this happened about 4 times)any way this little boat see play out for about 10 15 minutes untill joey? puts his head ina fish tank and then things start to get strange. suddenly im on the sofa/couch of this cabin and my feet are being tickled, (yes i actually feel it) this procededs to piss me off so i tell it stop, then stop now, and then finaly SCREAMING it. to which this now draws every ones attention in the cabin you turn look at me and then begin advanceing on me as the tickling gets worse.... and then im awake. my feet are barely haning of the bed. i lay still in my bed for a few minutes. not daring to breathe, i dont feel anything watchign me (agian) and this was more of an annoyance then menacing, then i feel somthing hop off my leg and walk off. (again actualy felt it) i guess this means i need to start putting up seals before i go to sleep now. this kinda blows, i would LIKE to think my bed room asa save point in my strange little world. oh well later i guess.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: land down under
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01:23 am
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the dream tongiht
i got only a minium f sleep last night that begane at 630 in the moring and ended at 945 so understandably i was tired tonight. jen can attest that an hour ago i set off to bed, i must have hit REM the second i touched the pillow becasue it is its only an hour later. the dream i had tonight distrubed me greatly and though i cant do it justice in words i will attempt to retell it for you.
there is this old 40's style apartment builidng. well makes me think 40's any way. it has just rained. the streets aer slightly wet still. and i am huddled in this alley way with a ld radio hearin a ploice report that another body has been found. and then its turned off.
not sure how i ened up inside this tenament house but there is missi (from the game i play wendsdays) all dolled up in 40s attire and i am asking er about the killings and who was new to the building, besides me, i seem to ask that question alot inthe dream. as she listing off names i am writing them down on this note pad. that has obviously seen better days.
im at one of the victims homes. blonde lady kinda nice looking onthe heavy side. she telling me her husband a doctor was stabbed to death with is own scaple. she is adoctor to it seems. and then i dissappear from the dream and watch the events unfold from 3rd person. this gangly kid is in the victims yard. she is crying for help as she beats him away again and again with a plastic bat. and each time he stands back up and gets a little closer. i can hear him calling her momma, though i knw the blonde woman isnt his mother. finally she turns and runs in to the house. and i can hear the press erlease already printin in my head. i know this women is dead before she makes it insode.
she moves a heavy china case in front of her door she grabbs for a scaple to defend her self but the tele-typing on the news broad cast has already told me she unike her husband never was able to get the knife out. the kid is now slaming his body in to the china cabinet taughting his "mooma to coem out and play with him. a phone is knocked off the stand where it rested adn she tries to diall 911, and as the operator picks up the other end of the line the splintering wood and the howl of pain is all i can hear as i am jerked awake.
my entire body is alive for a moment as all the nerves in my skin are firing all at once. and in dark room i feel something leave as i slowly regain my senses.
as i get dressed, and move down to the computer to begin this little monologue i feel liek i am being watched, and that by itself unnerves me.
Current Mood:  scared
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01:25 am
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to live and let die
some things were never meant to be and i know that. to hear some people speak they are the stars in thier own tragic tale of woe. tis better to have loved and loss then never have loved at all. she doesnt knwo how lucky she is for the time she got to spend with him even if it was brief. (and no known of you knwo who this is so dont presume you do}. im fairly certain i have never known love. at least romantic love. i love all my friends like brothers anc sisters and while yes i might spout dirty jokes are there expnse i still care for all of them deeply. but for once in my life im not sure if i ever knew what romantic love was. i saw this cheesy ass movie over the week wedding crashers. and this line in it made me start thinking, about how true love is finding you souls counterpoint in another. but then i look at my most recent love interest and wonderif this is what my soul sees as a counter point how fucked up must i be? Jamie. who is so far off my normalacy radar now i hardly reconginze the girl i once knew. Eileen who i recently realized i never loved at all , but instead loved the idea of being with her. Maddelyn. the first person i can honestly say that i said i love you too and meant it. but i look back on it know and see a desperate boy trying to become a man any way he could. and then two years went by before i met ANYONE new. and we all know how this turned out. ANITA. althought i will admit things were good for a while. i even thought i would marry her. but then when we lived together i realized i didnt liek the person i had become living with her. most people didnt liek the person i had become including her and that ended that. Liz while she was there to help try to fit the broken pieces back togheter when i needed it most i know there was nothing there. (sorry about the couch leah). Angela. i know i dont love angela but she is showing me a differnt side of the female psyche that i didnt believe in untill it was forced on me. that you girls can be just as bad as guys when it comes to sexual need and desire. so for that i thnak you. and then Jen. and i have already said all im willing to on that subject at this time.
looking on this failed relationships is it any wonder i am so fucked up right now? people say all you need is love. i ask WHat IS love. some body please show it to me. to many cuts and a man will bleed to death. even if the cut is made from paper. i feel liek i slowly drowing in my own blood. how sad i am.
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: voodoo GODSMACK
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02:22 am
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to keep up appearances
suicides is a cowards option, ther eis no honor in it, only through your own actions can you redeem yourself and your honor in the eys of god.
i make make my self avaialbe to the crowd i call friend and yet they leave.
i have let my education suffer to the beast called friends, and still i sit alone.
i want nothing to be a friend to those i cherish and still im not wanted.
i lost oppurtunities to adavance in jobs so i could be their to help them. where are they now.
to hell with them all
why do i let my slef be ruled by this mass of emotions that will move one without me. time to move on. for appareance sake.
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01:30 pm
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shurgg
Current Mood: creepy
Current Music: mortal kombat
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01:33 am
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silliness from me
FUN TEST TO TAKE THATS VERY TRUE!.!.!.
D0 iT 0NE BY 0NE.D0NT L00K AHEAD! (or you'll ruin it)
THiS iS LiKE 99.9% TRUE
1) Write the name of a person of the opposite
sex.
2) Which is your favorite color out of red,
black, blue, green, yellow?
3) Your first initial?
4) Your month of birth?
5) Which color do you like more, black or white?
6) Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7) Your favorite number?
8) Do you like California or Florida more?
9) Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10) Write down a wish. (A realistic one).
ARE Y0U D0NE?
iF S0 SCR0LL D0WN.
(D0N'T CHEAT... iM WATCHiNG Y0U...)
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of
love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid
back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses
and
affection from the ones you love.
Yellow- you are a very happy person and give
good advice to those who are down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in
your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum
and your love life is
soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love
life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and
you will discover that you fall in love with
someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love
relationship that will not last long but the
memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will
experience a major life changing experience for
the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great,
but eventually you will find your soul mate.
5. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different
direction, it will seem hard at the time but
will be the best thing for you, and you will
be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely
confides in you and would do anything for you,
but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in
your lifetime.
8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
9. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and to your
love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please
people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN
in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday!!
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: fhir na bhata
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02:04 pm
[Link] | after my most recent entry in occurs to me that i will have a lot of questions about what the hell im talking about. so i guess my story needs a more tangible morale then the one i put there for you to find.
The morale of my story is that no one should rely on another person to give the stabiiity in the torrent ocean or expect to find salvation in this life time from their demons, no matter what they are. be your own island and maybe some day so weary travelr in this sea of chaos we call a life may wash upon your shores and find every thing the every were looking for in you with out ever having known they were looking for it.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: none
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03:48 am
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story time
let me tell you all a story. its about a beast that hid in the form of a man. he hid there becasue he could hide no where else. and as the bease grew, he felt the stares of people who seemed to see the hideous beast inside the human shell he adopted. sooner or later the beast found other outcast in the human ranks that seemed to be liek him set adrift in the see of humanity clinging to one another for comfort and support. but as the sea churned and the reality of the ocean set in the beast was tossed once more in to the tempest. each time finding a freind, or a lover he clung to them with all his might just to help fight the lonliness in his soul a littl bit longer. finally a ebb in the tide pushed him towards an isle of insanity. at first he didnt care how strange the isle was becasue it was not the ocean, then after he had been on the isle a little bit he feared going back tothe ocean becaseu teh isel had things on it that the coean could not provide. shelter from the storms and food for the soul. and for a brief pierod the beast was happy. but liek all forms of sancutary this one was swallowed up by the cold dark ocean and left the beast a drift once more on the currents. still finding stangers tossed about on the oceans currents he clung to them at first to soothe his aching heart fo the loss of his island then becasue if he let go then he would once more be alone. years went by clinging to people just long enough to remember that he was not alone on the ocean, but never really finding a place to settle. never being able to reach a new island even thoguh he saw hundereds of them. but after swiming for so long and watching the people he clung to become fewer and fewre he wondered why he still swam at all. and then he saw it a beutiful island alone in the sea. as the beast climb out of the tempest on to the sandy shores he first thought the island woudl reject such a hideous intruder upon its shore. but when it became aparaten that the beast was welcome here, he rejoiced, that somethign would accept him in his beastly form and not mind him for being him. and one day when he explored the island he had ound he saw a reflecting pool and to him his reflection was that of noble man instead a beast as he saw him self not as he did but the island. the island that saw the good that was in his soul and the kindness in the beasts heart. and then the island begane to sink. and ina flsh his home on the sunny shores was lost to him again. and while he would not let him self drown becasue fo the loss of the isalnd home, he just stop fighting. the current has taken the beast and floated him back to sea once more. but the beast no more seeks island to call a home. for fate will not let him live there. so he will make a home in the wateradn know that in his heart he surely will be loenly forever. too see other happy couples settle happily on islands of there own bt to only be abel to rest on one fore while but never really find sancutary on them.
So the tale is told of the beat and the sea. what remains of him is still unknwon at this time but ti persumed that he is still out there int he torrent sea of emotion called humanity floating and hoping that he liek a note in a bottle will be washed upon some shore again but knowing that if he is it wont be in time to be of any use.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: lifes gonna suck when you grow up. (dennis leary)
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01:56 am
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break up
the relationship is over... im upset about this, i want to rant and rave, and scream and shout about the timing of it, and every thing else. even knowing that this was the only way it could end im still sorry that it has. i want to be angry with her, no at her, i want to be angry at her. but i cant, i find that even for the brief period of time that we were together she has touched me in ways tht i thought long dad to outsiders. things i havent felt since i was that age. oh well quasimodo loses again. im hurt. im in pain. i want to be more upset then i am. the part that i think i am the most upset about is the events of this after noon in the park, they still plague me. i have been reading a story on and off since the bomb was dropped and just out of no where floating up from the depths of my memory comes the image of her in the blue jeans and white shirt, her hair pulled back and the beautiful eyes. and i want to cry. part of it is just how beautiful she is and part of it that i wont ever get to know that again. oh well. it was a fools dream any way. i am a fool. i am a beast. this proves it to me. god i hate my self
Current Mood: depressed
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